Two days.

Do you ever feel like there's just too many thoughts running through your mind? Too many things that you want to accomplish. Too many things you want to say. You want to fix everything, you want to have fun, you want to cry, you want to enjoy life. You just want everything all at once, but since that isn't possible, you just end up doing absolutely nothing. You spend your time thinking instead of acting. You spend your time relaxing instead of doing. It's not a bad thing, it needs to happen sometimes. But then you slowly start running out of time and you can't possibly get everything said, done, and fixed while enjoying every moment. 

1

I've come across a lot of profound thoughts today. I guess that's what happens when you listen. That's one of my New Years resolutions. To listen more. I guess this blog defeats the purpose of listening, but you have to sort your thoughts somewhere, right?
I woke up today and read from Captivating again. It started off  being about friendship.

"It is here in the realm of friendship, that women receive the most joy and the profoundest sorrows...There is a fierce jealousy, a fiery devotion, and a great loyalty between women friends. Our friendships flow in the deep waters of the heart where God dwells and transformation takes place. It is here, in this holy place, that a woman can partner with God in impacting another and be impacted by another for lasting good...To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all that you are and all that you aren't. To know that as a woman, you are not alone...Friendship is a great gift. One to be prayed for and not taken for granted...When God gives a friend, he is entrusting us with the care of another's heart...Friendships need to be nurtured and guarded and fought for. We need to call one another without waiting to be called first. We need to ask how our friends are doing and really listen to their answers. Listen between the lines. We love our friends by pursuing them -- call, little presents, cards, invitations to play, to go for a walk, to go to a movie. We offer our hearts...We need each other. God knows that. He will help us. We have only to ask and surrender, to wait, to hope, and in faith to love. "

I'm so lucky to have the friends that I do. Even just sitting around watching a movie or playing guitar, I can feel the love between us. I don't know who I'd be if God hadn't put these people in my life. I love them more than words can express. I hate losing friends, especially good ones. I hate fighting or even just uneasiness between a friend and myself.  I want to fix things. I want to laugh and enjoy and love.

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There's another passage I came across. It's written by C.S. Lewis. I've heard the first sentence of the quote before, but never the entire thing. It's funny, because I'd always agreed with the first sentence, but once I read the entire passage it changed my opinion.

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or the coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is Hell."

I agree with the first sentence, but I no longer think about it in the way that we have to be careful of who we love. God loves everyone, so shouldn't we? Are we not bringing Hell in between us and another person if we don't show them love and compassion no matter what our situation or past is? Love everyone. Be vulnerable. We're taught to be independent and strong, not vulnerable. Well God calls us to rebellion. Rebel. Show yourself, show love, show your vulnerability.

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Lastly I watched "Eat, Pray, Love" with my Mother and Nana. Mostly just to spend time with them, I had no interest in actually watching the movie. It ended up actually being a really good movie. Uplifting. It makes you think about your own life. What you want to change and who you want to be. It's one of those movies that make you analyze yourself and then think about what you could be doing. But not in the wow I'm doing nothing with my life and I'm just boring sort of way, but instead of the I can do whatever I want to do and I can change what I want to change empowering sort of way. The main character makes a speech about how she's going to eat what she wants to eat. Not to become obese, but just rid herself of the guilt of having an extra brownie. She said something along the lines of "When is the last time a man turned you down when you took off your clothes for him? Right. He doesn't care. You're naked." Now I'm not saying to go get naked for a man, I'm just saying that maybe we shouldn't worry so much. There's a couple other quotes I liked:

"If you could clear you all that space in your mind, you would have a doorway. And you know what the universe would do? Rush in."

"Americans. You work too hard, you get burned outYou come home and spend the whole weekend in your pajamas in front of the T.V.But you don't know pleasure. You have to be told you've earned it."

"Balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself."

"You're going to have to learn to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes every day. Now that's a power that you can cultivate. You want to come here and you want to control your life so bad work on the mind, and I don't think you should be trying to control a thing because if you can't master your thoughts you are in trouble forever."

"Ruin is the road to transformation." 

I'm sorry if none of this makes sense. I just needed to get a few things out and organized.