Monday, January 31, 2011
Random Thoughts
I like nightgowns. Especially with ridiculous sayings on them. I like friendship and forgiveness. I hope this lasts. I don't know if it was a one night stand sort of thing. Can friendship be a one night stand? Once you stop looking for something you find it. But I guess that's wrong. Once you stop caring about some things, then some things come naturally. I guess that's more accurate. Age is a state of mind. If you play then you're young and if you sit around and say "wow I'm so old" then you're old. It doesn't matter how many years you've been on this earth. I know none of this makes sense. Forgive me.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
BFA
The pictures and pieces I create are necessary to be able to explain myself. Words aren’t enough to fully show the way an emotion or a situation makes me feel. Words seem to always fall short or just be hidden on the tip of my tongue. Words are forgetful. Because my art is so connected to the inner workings of my mind, much of it is left unexplained to the viewer. This sense of mystery becomes intriguing to the viewer and they start to form their own explanations for it. They apply my pictures to their own lives. The viewers may realize that a picture I’ve made perfectly describes an experience in their own lives, even if it is completely different experience than the one that originally inspired the piece. That’s what I want to happen. I don’t want people to see my work from my eyes, but from their own. I make my art as an expression of my thoughts and experiences, as a way to sort out my thoughts and help me through situations. I want it to do the same thing for the viewer. I want my art to be so relatable that each person who comes across it can make his or her own personal connection to the work. I want the viewers to be able to feel like its their own, that every piece was made especially for them and is about their lives, instead of being about my life. The actual process of making my art is for me, but once my work is finished I want it to be for someone else.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Trains
There's something about trains, especially at night, that just makes me content. There's really no other word for it. I love when a train passes and and I'm walking along by myself and it's cold out and it's nighttime. I really have no explanation for it. It just calms me. Maybe it's because I associate the train with magical childhood wishes -- ie. the train from the "Polar Express" or the train that takes the students to Hogwarts. There's so many different ways that magical beings could transport themselves, but for some reason they stick to the old ways, ways that us non-magical beings rarely even use anymore. Or maybe it's because I love to think about where the people on it are going. Who they are. I make up stories in my head. Some are of course on business, but then some are going to see old friends, find true love, or even just escape. I haven't actually been on a train for years (not counting the metro or the subway), but when I was little we used to travel by train all the time. I really only remember one encounter, I'm not really even sure if it is real or if over time my thoughts became memories. I was at a train station and I was walking with my Aunt. My Aunt is the type of person who likes to walk slow and look at every little thing and point out the obvious. The kind of thing you appreciate as a child, but once you're an adult it becomes slightly annoying because you've already realized the obvious. Anyway, I was probably about three, so her conversation was still highly intriguing. I remember us watching a big blackish-gray old fashioned type train pull away and there was two young adults, maybe even teenagers waving good-bye to each other. I can't even remember which one was actually on the train, I think it was the boy. Anyway they both made the "love" sign at each other (you know, the one that kind of looks like the "rock 'n roll" sign?). My Aunt explained to me that it meant love, and that they must love each other dearly and have to leave each other for some reason. Although it feels awfully real, I don't even know if that moment actually exists. I can picture it though. Two young loves separated by work or college getting the time to visit but then having to leave. I wonder if they were good for each other. I wonder if they made it.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Brown Eyed Girl
(I'm sorry but thoughts just keep coming tonight)
I've always wanted blue eyes, or gray, or even violet. Basically just anything besides brown. My grandpa, who very rarely talked, used to sing the song "Brown Eyed Girl" to me because he loved my brown eyes and knew that I didn't like them (even when I was little). I liked having brown eyes because he could sing that song to me, but I never actually liked having brown eyes. I've had people over the years tell me that they loved brown eyes, my eyes, but I never really appreciated them. Today I looked in the mirror and really liked my eyes. I loved the color, the darkness. I've never loved or even liked the way my eyes looked until tonight.
God doesn't do anything by mistake.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Dear (Other) You,
I've spent this break obsessing over you and what's happening between us. Whether our silence will be broken and we'll be able to resume our friendship. There is nothing more that I can do on my part, so seeing as everything is (and has been) relying on you to make the next move, I am moving on. I will learn to forget. I already forgive you and hope that in a year from now (or even a month) we can sit next to each other joking and making fun of each other as we once did. I just don't see that coming anytime soon. So as I head back to school, I'm giving it all to God and forgetting. I'll still be praying, but that's all I'm going to let myself do. Until you're ready this is the end. I am making a new beginning as of this post. From now on you will no longer invade my thoughts. I sincerely hope everything works out in your life and between us.
Always,
Kaitlyn
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Two days.
Do you ever feel like there's just too many thoughts running through your mind? Too many things that you want to accomplish. Too many things you want to say. You want to fix everything, you want to have fun, you want to cry, you want to enjoy life. You just want everything all at once, but since that isn't possible, you just end up doing absolutely nothing. You spend your time thinking instead of acting. You spend your time relaxing instead of doing. It's not a bad thing, it needs to happen sometimes. But then you slowly start running out of time and you can't possibly get everything said, done, and fixed while enjoying every moment.
1
I've come across a lot of profound thoughts today. I guess that's what happens when you listen. That's one of my New Years resolutions. To listen more. I guess this blog defeats the purpose of listening, but you have to sort your thoughts somewhere, right?I woke up today and read from Captivating again. It started off being about friendship.
"It is here in the realm of friendship, that women receive the most joy and the profoundest sorrows...There is a fierce jealousy, a fiery devotion, and a great loyalty between women friends. Our friendships flow in the deep waters of the heart where God dwells and transformation takes place. It is here, in this holy place, that a woman can partner with God in impacting another and be impacted by another for lasting good...To have a woman friend is to relax into another soul and be welcomed in all that you are and all that you aren't. To know that as a woman, you are not alone...Friendship is a great gift. One to be prayed for and not taken for granted...When God gives a friend, he is entrusting us with the care of another's heart...Friendships need to be nurtured and guarded and fought for. We need to call one another without waiting to be called first. We need to ask how our friends are doing and really listen to their answers. Listen between the lines. We love our friends by pursuing them -- call, little presents, cards, invitations to play, to go for a walk, to go to a movie. We offer our hearts...We need each other. God knows that. He will help us. We have only to ask and surrender, to wait, to hope, and in faith to love. "I'm so lucky to have the friends that I do. Even just sitting around watching a movie or playing guitar, I can feel the love between us. I don't know who I'd be if God hadn't put these people in my life. I love them more than words can express. I hate losing friends, especially good ones. I hate fighting or even just uneasiness between a friend and myself. I want to fix things. I want to laugh and enjoy and love.
2
There's another passage I came across. It's written by C.S. Lewis. I've heard the first sentence of the quote before, but never the entire thing. It's funny, because I'd always agreed with the first sentence, but once I read the entire passage it changed my opinion."To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it careful round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or the coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket -- safe, dark, motionless, airless -- it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable...The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers...of love is Hell."I agree with the first sentence, but I no longer think about it in the way that we have to be careful of who we love. God loves everyone, so shouldn't we? Are we not bringing Hell in between us and another person if we don't show them love and compassion no matter what our situation or past is? Love everyone. Be vulnerable. We're taught to be independent and strong, not vulnerable. Well God calls us to rebellion. Rebel. Show yourself, show love, show your vulnerability.
3
Lastly I watched "Eat, Pray, Love" with my Mother and Nana. Mostly just to spend time with them, I had no interest in actually watching the movie. It ended up actually being a really good movie. Uplifting. It makes you think about your own life. What you want to change and who you want to be. It's one of those movies that make you analyze yourself and then think about what you could be doing. But not in the wow I'm doing nothing with my life and I'm just boring sort of way, but instead of the I can do whatever I want to do and I can change what I want to change empowering sort of way. The main character makes a speech about how she's going to eat what she wants to eat. Not to become obese, but just rid herself of the guilt of having an extra brownie. She said something along the lines of "When is the last time a man turned you down when you took off your clothes for him? Right. He doesn't care. You're naked." Now I'm not saying to go get naked for a man, I'm just saying that maybe we shouldn't worry so much. There's a couple other quotes I liked:"If you could clear you all that space in your mind, you would have a doorway. And you know what the universe would do? Rush in."
"Americans. You work too hard, you get burned outYou come home and spend the whole weekend in your pajamas in front of the T.V.But you don't know pleasure. You have to be told you've earned it."
"Balance is not letting anyone love you less than you love yourself."
"You're going to have to learn to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes every day. Now that's a power that you can cultivate. You want to come here and you want to control your life so bad work on the mind, and I don't think you should be trying to control a thing because if you can't master your thoughts you are in trouble forever."
"Ruin is the road to transformation."
I'm sorry if none of this makes sense. I just needed to get a few things out and organized.
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