Screw You, Satan.

"Back off, or, Leave her alone, or, You don't really want to go there -- she'll be too much for you is something Satan has set against every woman from the day of her birth. It's the emotional and spiritual equivalent of leaving a little girl by the side of the road to die. And to every woman he has whispered, You are alone, or, When they see who you really are, you will be alone, or, No one will ever truly come for you." -- Excerpt from Captivated by John and Stasi Elderedge. 

This is something we all know as girls, but we never talk about it. In not talking about it we think that every one else is living a perfect life and we don't want to be the one girl with a problem. Well Satan is really our only problem. I know that at the beginning of the year, I was going through a really rough time.  I'd been talking to a guy for awhile but he constantly needed so much from me and was rarely there when I needed something from him. It was definitely a one-sided friendship made even more complicated by the fact we had feelings for each other but I was sent off to college. This broke me down a lot along with the fact that I felt alone. I was in a completely new place where I knew no one and I felt like all my friends back home were too busy to talk to me or to listen to my problems. I started on a downward spiral and did a lot of things that just wasn't like me. Finally I hit a rock bottom and realized that I needed to get back on track. I couldn't hear God anymore and I needed to be able to. I became more involved in my church and started the process. I came home three times in between then and now (fall break, halloween, and Thanksgiving). Each time the only thing I wanted to do was hang out with my best friend, but this was difficult considering the guy who I'd been talking to at the beginning of the year was her older brother and he refuses to speak to me. I got to hang out with a bunch of my other best friends, but it just hurt that she seemed so determined to not hang out with me. Each time I came home, I only got to see her in groups of people even when I told her that I wanted to just hang out with her. It really hurt and pushed that feeling of "You're a terrible person. No one understands you or wants to be around you. You're alone." back into my heart. This time when I came home though, she was excited to see me and we hung out the first day I was back -- just me and her. She told me that she had been favoring her brother but now she was done with that. He's had time to heal and she wants to be able to hang out with me again. I realized that she wasn't avoiding me, she just didn't know how to handle her brother's feelings and in trying to help him she was accidentally hurting me. Men aren't the only ones who can make girls feel terribly alone (although they do a good job of it), but our best friends can also. Best friends are the only ones who can help when you're going through a rough time, we need them. I'm thankful that God gave me such good friends who I know will always be there for me. These doubts that have been put in my mind are ridiculous, of course my best friend understood what I was going through. Of course she wasn't going to leave me alone forever. I know these things now, so screw you Satan. My friends are awesome.