"There's butterflies flying and spiders crawling."

(in the silence between us)

Psalm 146:3

"Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." 

"Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save."  "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." "Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men who cannot save." 

Patience

"...We must be willing to be honest with him and with ourselves about the true nature of our souls -- our sorrows, our desires, our dreams, our fears, our deepest and scariest hopes. To invite Jesus to come and walk with us there, to remove from our hearts the things that are getting in the way of our loving. We do not always get what we want, but that doesn't mean that we no longer want. It means we stay awake to the unmet longing and ache. Wait there. Invite Jesus to come, there.  And he will come. Not always to satisfy us by giving us what we want. But to come himself; to meet us with his very Person and to satisfy us with himself. To possess true beauty, we must be willing to suffer. I don't like that. Just writing it down makes my heart shrink back. Yet if Christ himself was perfected through his sufferings, why would I believe God would not do the same with me?" 

-- Excerpt from Captivating

Patience. Don't take things into your own hands. God wants you to wait on him. 

60 Candles

 

      

Happy Birthday Aunt Joetta

Realizations

I've had some thoughts in the past couple days that had never really hit me as hard as they do now. You know that feeling when you really realize what something means and how it applies to your life? I'd maybe thought of them, but they never really meant that much to me before. Maybe these don't apply to you right now, or they don't hit you the same way they hit me. Anyway, I thought I'd share them with you.

1. God forgives you even when people don't. That's all that really matters.


2. Erasing the memory doesn't erase the emotion.


3. If you have no hope then you're not dreaming big enough.

Progression

 

Christmas Eve

Today is going to be magical.

I can't tell you how or why, but I just have one of those feelings that today is going to be really special. I hope so.


(Plus Santa is coming tonight, so of course it's going to be magical =P)

Wish List

This year the only thing I'm asking Santa (...or God) for is to have a normal conversation with you. I want that more than anything right now (and I hate myself for that).






(Avoiding me doesn't fix anything.)

1 John 4:7-8

"Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love."

This is why I could never date someone who isn't a Christian.  

Thank you, Taylor Swift.

"I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us
How we met and the sparks flew instantly
People would say, "they're the lucky ones"
I used to know my place was a spot next to you
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on
Oh, a simple complication
Miscommunications lead to fall out
So many things that I wish you knew
So many walls up I can't break through

Now I'm standing alone
In a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
I don't know what to say
Since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us
Looks a lot like a tragedy now
Next chapter

How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes
And trying to look busy
And you're doing your best to avoid me
I'm starting to think one day I'll tell the story of us
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here
But you held your pride like you should have held me
Oh, we're scared to see the ending
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how
I've never heard silence quite this loud

Now I'm standing alone
In a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
I don't know what to say
Since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us
Looks a lot like a tragedy now

This is looking like a contest
Of who can act like they care less
But I liked it better when you were on my side
The battle's in your hands now
But I would lay my armor down
If you'd say you'd rather love than fight
So many things that you wish I knew
But the story of us might be ending soon

Now I'm standing alone
In a crowded room
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
I don't know what to say
Since a twist of fate
When it all broke down
And the story of us
Looks a lot like a tragedy now, now, now
And we're not speaking
And I'm dying to know
Is it killing you
Like it's killing me?
I don't know what to say
Since a twist of fate
'cause we're going down
And the story of us
Looks a lot like a tragedy now."


Oh Taylor, you always know how to say exactly what I never could.

Why can't we just be friends?

This question seems to have multiple meanings in my life at the moment.

I want this someday

I only know this is real because of them.

Love and miss you Grandma and Grandpa.

Screw You, Satan.

"Back off, or, Leave her alone, or, You don't really want to go there -- she'll be too much for you is something Satan has set against every woman from the day of her birth. It's the emotional and spiritual equivalent of leaving a little girl by the side of the road to die. And to every woman he has whispered, You are alone, or, When they see who you really are, you will be alone, or, No one will ever truly come for you." -- Excerpt from Captivated by John and Stasi Elderedge. 

This is something we all know as girls, but we never talk about it. In not talking about it we think that every one else is living a perfect life and we don't want to be the one girl with a problem. Well Satan is really our only problem. I know that at the beginning of the year, I was going through a really rough time.  I'd been talking to a guy for awhile but he constantly needed so much from me and was rarely there when I needed something from him. It was definitely a one-sided friendship made even more complicated by the fact we had feelings for each other but I was sent off to college. This broke me down a lot along with the fact that I felt alone. I was in a completely new place where I knew no one and I felt like all my friends back home were too busy to talk to me or to listen to my problems. I started on a downward spiral and did a lot of things that just wasn't like me. Finally I hit a rock bottom and realized that I needed to get back on track. I couldn't hear God anymore and I needed to be able to. I became more involved in my church and started the process. I came home three times in between then and now (fall break, halloween, and Thanksgiving). Each time the only thing I wanted to do was hang out with my best friend, but this was difficult considering the guy who I'd been talking to at the beginning of the year was her older brother and he refuses to speak to me. I got to hang out with a bunch of my other best friends, but it just hurt that she seemed so determined to not hang out with me. Each time I came home, I only got to see her in groups of people even when I told her that I wanted to just hang out with her. It really hurt and pushed that feeling of "You're a terrible person. No one understands you or wants to be around you. You're alone." back into my heart. This time when I came home though, she was excited to see me and we hung out the first day I was back -- just me and her. She told me that she had been favoring her brother but now she was done with that. He's had time to heal and she wants to be able to hang out with me again. I realized that she wasn't avoiding me, she just didn't know how to handle her brother's feelings and in trying to help him she was accidentally hurting me. Men aren't the only ones who can make girls feel terribly alone (although they do a good job of it), but our best friends can also. Best friends are the only ones who can help when you're going through a rough time, we need them. I'm thankful that God gave me such good friends who I know will always be there for me. These doubts that have been put in my mind are ridiculous, of course my best friend understood what I was going through. Of course she wasn't going to leave me alone forever. I know these things now, so screw you Satan. My friends are awesome.

you.

How do you tell someone that the problem is them?

Not because they're a bad person,

they're just not what you need right now.

No matter how much you wish that they were.